Questions

A letter, something man made, and a recipe. Mafia and Don members get a second made thing, and a card to write their own Snail Male.

Ian. Honestly does anyone read these things or the website?

Yes.

Basic Snails do not. Mafia and Don members receive a card to write, but you don’t have to send it. But honestly, you should skip 10 minutes of doomscrolling to write. It’ll feel amazing.

No. Half the point is that we need to stop the instant gratification from our screens. Sign up and wait patiently, worst case you get a cool overpriced sticker.

Nothing bad. You’re charged the same as anyone and your first envelope is next month’s issue instead of this one, because this one is already at the printer. We don’t prorate. Mostly because it kills the .69 joke.

Last week of the month all at once.

Depends on the post office and state of the world and the price of tea in Turkey that day. Slowness is the product, so no apologies. If it doesn’t show after 4 weeks let us know.

No overnight snail delivery, sorry.

Change your address at the post office. If it’s before the 15th, next issue goes to the next place. If it’s after the 15th, it’s already on a label and shipped out.

The day you join, and on that date every month after. If you joined on the 9th, it’s the 9th.

Because that’s the printing deadline, not a billing date. Join by the 15th and you’re in this month’s issue. Join after and you’re in next month’s. It decides which envelope you get, never when your card is touched.

That’s right and it’s yours. If you joined on the 20th you paid for next month’s issue, and that one posts in the last week of next month — after your billing month has run out. You paid for it, so you get it. Cancelling never takes back an issue you’ve paid for.

Sure – cancel from the post office.

Nothing.

Then we can’t post to you yet, and we’d rather say so than take your money and work it out afterwards. It’s the postage: inside the US a letter costs one known thing, and past the border it depends on which country and on how heavy the envelope is. Guess that wrong and either you’ve overpaid or every issue quietly loses money.

What decides which countries open is how many people ask. Ask about shipping outside the US — it takes a second, the email is optional, and it’s the only thing we have to go on.

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Snails: we print it and the postal service reads it.

Mafia & Don: whoever your randomly matched Mafia pen pal is that month will also receive an envelope addressed to you.

Sponsorship only lands on members who said yes to sharing their address. If you said no, you’re never selected.

No. Maybe one day I’ll do custom Toilet Paper or something.

Of course. Probably most of the men in here started as a gift from their mom, wife, sister, girlfriend, or guy friend who knew he needed it. Here’s the gift checkout.

After signing up, you will get a custom certificate you can physically give him so he knows it’s coming. See an example of the certificate

Something he would never think to buy himself, that will talk to his inner man soul. If he wanted it enough, he probably bought it already. Another object would just join the pile. A deep letter gets read and pondered instead.

Usually he does, and it’s worth taking him at his word. What he doesn’t want is more stuff in his house. Twenty minutes of something to read that isn’t a screen is a different thing to want, and most men have never been offered it.

It’s about the only one. Everything in the envelope is read, eaten or used up, so he can be completely out of shelf space and still take delivery.

Absolutely! He won’t expect it, it’s unusual, deeply thoughtful, will make him laugh, and give him something to look forward to every month.

No. Buy it tonight, print the certificate, and that’s the thing you hand him on the day. The first envelope posts at the end of the month. There’s a whole page about doing it late if that’s where you are.

Not unless you ask it to. Buy one and it’s a set number of months, paid once, and it stops when it stops. You’ll get an email when it’s running out so it isn’t a surprise.

If you’d rather it just kept going, you can pick that instead. You have to choose it on purpose, it bills like any other subscription, and you stop it from the post office whenever you like.

Correct.

Nobody is checked at the door. If it’s for you, it’s for you.

No. No one is going to call you king, King.